More like a teenage nightmare…

Hold on here, I want to get together enough phlegm and nauseated vomit to place on this album. Katy Perry's third album: Teenage Dream.



I got a hold of this album when my mom told me that my grandma found it on the sidewalk when sweeping outside the house this morning. She ended up giving it to her than to me, to rip it and put it in her iPod.

So nonetheless and by contemplation, thought it would be a good idea to review this and maybe hopefully, many other albums I purchase, receive, and download.

First and foremost, the album is a digipak and I FUCKING hate digipaks. True some bands/performers can get away with them I just hate it when albums just consist of cheap cardboard which will in turn, destroy the artwork with various wear and tear. Fuck your eco-minded biodegradable albums; I didn’t pay 12 bucks for something that’s going to melt away if I spill water on it. But I digress…

Plus the album smells like cotton candy, and not just a little whiff. Its nauseating that gave me headache throughout listening to this album. If this is how Katy smells like on a daily basis. I would say to stop standing near the cotton candy machine for perfume.

Now the fun part…the songs itself…

Teenage Dream : The albums title track, what’s an album without one? I actually had high hopes for this song when I heard her perform it live on David Letterman but all I got was studio mixed fodder with drab robotic vocals.

Last Friday Night [T.G.I.F.] : A rehash of Kesha’s oh so annoying “Tik Tok” with Katy Perry on vocals.

California Gurls (featuring Snoop Dogg) : Automatic skip. I can’t stand this song when it’s played on the radio plus its origins on why it was recored are just downright asinine.

SOURCE by roflrazzi

Who do you call when you want to start a rap war these days? Tupac’s dead. Biggie’s gone. How about Katy Perry? Yes, please. She wrote “California Gurls” as a response to Jay-Z hit, “Empire State of Mind.” Katy Perry said, “I bet Tupac is rolling in his grave” over Jay-Z’s ode to New York. Clearly, she had to represent.

Just a refresher for you of “California Gurls” gangsta vocal stylings: “Hangin’ out, bikinis, zucchinis, martinis, no weenies.” Hmm, zucchinis? And, no weenies? Don’t think Tupac would approve. At all. But cheers for trying, kiddo.

Firework : I still can’t believe I’m still listening to this album. I lost interest in this song after the first minute elapsed. Just skimming trough the rest then fully skipped.

Peacock : As much as Katy tries to defend the song that its about the bird and not about the beef injector every male has in their crotch, the constant double entendres leading to her fascination for a erect phallus destroys her credibility

Plus the sampled drum beat from Toni Basil’s “Mickey” doesn’t help out the song at all. Rather listen to Toni’s one hit wonder than then this piece of rotting crap.

Circle the Drain : Sounded interesting after the first few seconds but just turned into auto-tuned crap. Plus this lyric caught my eye…

You say you have to write your rhymes,
Whatever helps you sleep at night
You've become what you despise,
A stereotype
You think you're so rock and roll,
But you're really just a joke.

Seriously? Whether it’s trying to lash out with her little spat with Lady Gaga or any other person, it’s a failed attempt at it.

The One That Got Away : The opening lyrics struck my eye in disgust:

Summer after high school when
we first met
We make out in you mustang
to Radiohead

I really want to know this. Who the fuck makes out to Radiohead? This coming from someone who has all their albums and Radiohead is NOT make out music. Would you make out to this mans music?



(Obvious joke since this isn’t the best photo of Thom Yorke ((see photo on my page)) and mean no harm to him since I love all his work.) OK Computer, Kid A, Amnesiac, In Rainbows, take your pick out of all their albums. It is not make out music. But hey, if it’s a way to show people who buy this album to competent music. I’m for it. She must think Videotape and All I Need are ultimate make out songs. I could go on and on…

“You would make out to Radiohead.” –my own mother -_-

E.T. : A failed attempted at Katys own hand in trying to emulate a Lady Gaga song. Next.

Who Am I Living For? : To be honest, this is one of the choice cuts that I liked on this flaming turd of an album. Let’s leave it at that.

Pearl : I’m kinda starting to doubt Katy Perry’s research skills when she writes her songs, or at least the marketing executives:

She is a pyramid
But with him she's just a grain of sand
This loves too strong like Mice and Men
Squeezing out the life that should be let in

Considering that I read the book in high school, there really is no love story in Of Mice And Men. Research before you write and make a fool out of yourself or you’ll be another Lil Wayne, saying that you “, break fast like Tom Petty, y'all just petty."

Stay in school kids!

Hummingbird Heartbeat : A pseudo rock number with atrocious lyrics worse than Orianthi’s “According To You.”

Not Like the Movies : At last, the closing track. Once again, a rare choice cut in this album but that’s an understatement. Katy does her best Amy Lee impersonation in this quiet acoustic piece but just falls flat on its face. A small gleaming hope in her vocal abilities and possibility, a musical shift. She could be Ani DiFranco but that’s just sadly a pipedream

I can’t say the other two hidden tracks since the Passion Pits mix of California Gurls is just awful and I love the Passion Pit but the Kaskade Club Remix of Teenage Dream is actually quite listenable. Better than the original.

In concusion, theres better pop albums out there, Teenage Dream isn’t one of them. Lady Gaga’s The Fame Monster, Gorillaz's Plastic Beach, Both Little Dragon’s and La Roux’s self-titled debut albums serve as amazing pop albums.

Plus Katy Perry is famous mainly for looking exactly like a Photoshop of Zooey Deschanel's face on a porn actress's body. She & Him need more followers. Go buy both their albums people! Zooey is a million more times hotter and competent than Katy.

But none the less, tl;dr and for those that did I applaud you for reading my rambling…

DelinquentAntagonist out…

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